Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
