Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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