she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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