I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
