Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The chlamydia really affected his face.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
