I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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