What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was CRYING into my vagina
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
