stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
