i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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