i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
