i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
