I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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