I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
