garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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