I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
