I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
