Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
