How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
