It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
