yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
