i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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