if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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