Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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