can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
