You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
