i think i have two assholes
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
