Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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