"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
