I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize