Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
