I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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