I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
