onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
