God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
