the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
