Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
