HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
