In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
