I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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