I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
