Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
