What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
