Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
