READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
