I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
