hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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