life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize