I could have mohawked her pubes.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
