He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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