Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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