Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are two peas in an std pod
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
