we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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