i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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