remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
