wakey wakey hands off snakey
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
