So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
