Nicole vs. Life
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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