were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
