I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
