Pants 0. Shit 1.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
