KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
