I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
