shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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